英语冷笑话十三则

Improvement

One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"

"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."

进步

一位学生对另一位说：“你的 英语 最近学的怎么样?”

“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”

Half or Five Tenths?

Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.

Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.

Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

半个还是十分之五

老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘?

杰拉得：我宁可要半个。

老师：仔细想想，说出理由来。

杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了。

To Go to Heaven

Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven?

Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.

去天堂

主日学校的教员：想去天堂的人举起手来，把手举起来。。。你呢，哈里?你还没举手呢-- 你不想去天堂吗?

哈里： 我去不了，因为妈妈让我一放学就回家。

How Many Rabbits?

Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?

Jonathan: Nine, sir.

Teacher: Nine?

Jonathan: I've got one already, sir.

多少只兔子?

老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子?

乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。

老师：九只?

乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。

Essay

Teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."

作文

老师给学生出了个作文题：“一场板球赛”。两分钟后，西蒙。斯蒂尔交了作文，老师允许他回家了。他在作文上写道：“下雨，比赛终止。”

Who Discovered Australia?

Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.

Johnny: It's there, sir.

Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?

Sammy: Johnny, sir.

谁发现了澳大利亚?

老师：约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。

约翰尼：先生，在这儿。

老师：对了。萨默，你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚?

萨默：先生，是约翰尼。

Lightning

Teacher: Why is it said that lightning never strikes the same place twice?

Roy: Because after it's struck once the same place isn't there any more!

闪电

老师：为什么说闪电从来不会两次击中同一个地方?

罗伊：因为它击中一个地方一次以后，那个地方就不存在了。